I am sorry your feelings are hurt.

I would like to relay to you a situation that I find myself in from time to time.  It is after dark and I am walking down a quiet street towards the train station/grocery store/bar/etc.  In front of me is a woman and for whatever reason my pace is faster than hers.  She knows I am behind her and although she continues on her way, I can tell that she is uncomfortable.  Should I speed up to pass her as quickly as possible?  Should I maintain my current speed to avoid adding to an uncomfortable situation?  Or should I slow down to put some distance between us?  Crossing the street is also an option.  Regardless, we have an awkward situation.  For her because she doesn't know my intentions, and for me because I don't like making her feel uncomfortable.

If you follow many atheist blogs, you have undoubtedly heard about the concept of Schrodinger's Rapist in the last few months.  If by chance you have not it is, as I understand it, the idea that in many settings, because a woman does not know a man's intentions, she must assume that he is a potential rapist.  I have wanted to write on this topic for some time in support of people speaking out against rape, but had a really hard time getting my thoughts together.  I think I understand my hold up now: it really does bother me when a woman considers me a rapist.

I grew up in a family where women vastly outnumbered men.  For the first ten years of my extended family life there were no other male members of my generation.  Because of that, I have from early childhood always enjoyed close friendships with members of the opposite sex.  Furthermore, I find the idea of rape to be utterly despicable and have long been committed to gender equality.  Given these factors, it really does hurt my feelings to be considered a potential rapist.  Well, after all of these weeks of deliberation, I have come up with a solution to my hurt feelings: get over it, Mike.  Man up.  (Sorry for that one, blame it on The Book of Mormon musical)

I actually do think it is unfair that many men, despite having no untoward desires or being as gentle as a butterfly are thought of and perhaps treated by a strange woman as a potential sex criminal.  It isn't fair.  It's not. They didn't do anything wrong.  But you know what?  Life isn't fair.  And there are a lot of things out there a whole lot worse that being treated suspiciously by a stranger.  One of those things is being raped by a stranger (or someone you know for that matter).

According to the U.S. census page there are about a hundred thousand reported cases of forcible rape each year, and as I understand it, the vast majority of rape is not reported.  The census, as far as I am aware, does not collect data on hurt feelings.   In other words, rape is a real and serious threat.  Hurt feelings; not so much.   Furthermore, rape is something that men rarely have to worry about, so we can't really know how a woman feels around strange men.  I can tell you though that if I was walking down a street at night and I knew every stranger I saw had a gun I would be afraid of being victim of violent crime.  Whether I really had anything to be afraid of is irrelevant since I didn't know the intentions of the armed strangers.    I don't care to explain that metaphor in greater detail, but I think the point is clear.

So in short, to the guys out there who, like me, are upset at being considered a potential sexual predator, I ask you to remember that rape is a lot bigger of a problem and a lot more psychologically damaging than hurt feelings.  Until we live in a world where rape is either non-existent or so statistically insignificant that it can no longer be considered a major problem, let's try to work towards that world and suck it up.

Like Jason on the slopes

Oh snap! It's Friday the thirteenth! You know what that means...tomorrow is Saturday and I am going snowboarding. Yeah!

More special privileges for the church

I read this article over at NPR this morning.  Perhaps you have head of it.  It involves a Lutheran school teacher who was asked to resign and was then fired essentially for having narcolepsy.  The teacher sued for discrimination and the case eventually made it to the Supreme Court. The court ruled in favor of the school on the grounds that she was a minister was therefor not protected by anti-discrimination laws.  

I think this ministerial exception to anti discrimination laws could be argued both ways.  For example, if a person was a fully qualified, say, Lutheran minister working for a church, and at some point that person lost their faith but continued to perform his or her duties as a church leader as well as anyone else, should that person be let go?  I would have to say no, but I could see how someone could make the case that the minister should be fired.  

What I find disturbing about this case, however, is how loose and fast religious organizations are allowed to play with this power.  This is not a case of a rogue minister trying to convert the kiddies to devil worshippers or worse (gasp!) atheists.  This is a case of an employee who got fired for a disability, and the reason given was that she led the kids in prayer and therefore the law could not prevent the church from discriminating against her on account of her disability.  I wonder (I really don't know) do any other organizations have this option?  Or is it just for the religious?

I really don't know whether to be enraged by this church stomping on its employee's rights or whether I should be experiencing schadenfreude and saying, "That's what you get." Regardless, I shouldn't feel surprised.  

War on religion

I just read this article over at NPR.  The irony burns.  It burns!  Just check out this line:

"I believe the greatest threat to religious liberty is the clash between religious liberty and LGBT rights," [Mathew Staver] says.

Staver says as rights for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people make gains, religious conservatives are having to set aside their convictions. A Christian counselor was penalized for refusing to advise gay couples. A court clerk in New York was told to issue same-sex marriage licenses, despite religious reservations. A wedding photographer was sued for refusing to shoot a same-sex wedding. Staver says these people aren't trying to impose their religious views on others.

"What people of faith don't want to do, however, is be forced to participate in something that literally cuts to the very core of their belief."

What a crock of shit.  I'm sorry, this is not a zero sum game.  There is no law impugning the right to not get abortions, and there is no law impugning the right to not get gay-married.  Grow up people.  

Xmas vacation is over

I am back from my Xmas holiday in the States and will resume blogging for real shortly.  One highlight of the trip was picking up the Book of Mormon soundtrack for my mom.  I figured it would be raunchy but I wasn't ready for it as I was listening to it with my mom on the way to the dentist.  She didn't care for it, but I loved it. 

A simple guidemap to wedded bliss

A friend of mine posted this article on Facebook about "Why You're Not Married" by Tracy McMillan.  Sorry if you are reading that and you are married, but it is the title of the piece.  It is written to women who want to get married;  apparently women who want to get married for the sake of getting married.  So, why can't these ladies find themselves a man?  Why can't they "seal the deal"?  Simple, they are shallow, selfish, slutty, lying bitches.  And they are not good enough.  No really, that is what she says.  Seriously.  Read the article.  I read it about four times to see if I could glean something good out of it.

Now, I am not an idiot.  I know that being in a relationship requires you to make sacrifices and compromises, but McMillan actually suggests that women should be more like Kim Kardashian.  If you are a woman, and you want to be like Kim Kardashian (warning: I don't really know who that is) then by all means do so.  It is your life, right?  But to suggest that you "smile" and "wiggle" to avoid scaring men is repulsive.  Just keep your opinion to yourself, smile and be a good doting wife.  How else is a reader supposed to take that?

Beyond that I think that McMillan is painting with pretty broad strokes.  I am sure that there are shallow, selfish, slutty, lying women who want to get married, but are having a hard time.  I am sure that there are shallow, selfish, slutty, lying women who are happily married.  To suggest that in all cases the reason that a woman can't find a man that she wants to marry is because of six simple (and offensive) reasons is really undercutting how complex human relationships are.  Off the top of my head, I can think of many other reasons why two people don't get married.  Here are a few: finances, career, distance, different goals, children, fear, lack of interest, family pressure, peer pressure, illness and, yes, religious differences.  I am not going to expand on those and I would like to note that the list is not exhaustive, but I think you get the point.  Simply saying that X or Y is why someone is not married is a bullshit oversimplification, especially when applied to such a diverse demographic as unwed women (who want to get married).

Anyhow, maybe I am way off base here, and I am a man, so I feel weird writing about women's issues regardless, but this one really got under my skin.  Now that I got that out, would someone please be so kind as to write an article titled "Why You're Not Married to Newt Gingrich"?  I would love to read that.

Christopher Hitchens

Christopher Hitchens has passed away.  His light has gone out of the universe.  He has, however, left us with a mountain of writings and wonderful debates.  He entertained, he challenged and he pissed people off.  I never met the man, but I would have liked to.  I will miss him.